2018

2018 has been a pretty challenging year for climbing, with a combination of injury, lack of fitness, lack of mojo, and, y'know, just not being very good at climbing. Still, I managed the best winter season of my life, and scraped enough half decent trad routes together to feel like it wasn't a total write-off. Oh yeah, and I cycled like a bastard when a buggered finger forced an extended break from gibbering around on bits of rock. Anyway, rather than ramble on about the over-arcing narrative of the year, here's a massive wanky list of my best (and worst) experiences from the last 12 months.....

Savage Slit - Coire an Lochain

Mega fun, mega classic Northern Corries mixed route. I swung leads with a guy from UKC called Gwyd. He did a great job leading the thin techy crack at the bottom of the corner, leaving me to grovel my way up the inside of the chimney above. Never desperate but sustained the whole way up, the guidebook says you can climb the outside of the chimney - well fuck that.

Crypt Route - Bidean nam Biam

With alpine super wad Dave K. Winter climbing meets caving. A hilarious journey into the heart of the mountain, leading to an utterly perverse squeeze through a letterbox to get back out again. Greg Boswell couldn't climb this pig stylishly.

Stirling Bomber - Coire an t'Sneachda

Dragged up this monstrosity by that man again Dave K. Still undecided if this counts as one of the good or bad experiences......a desperate fight up the chimney from hell in a brutal Cairngorm blizzard; the horror, the horror.....

North Gully - Lurcher's Crag

Had no real expectations of this route, which ended up being 250 odd meters of nearly continuous ice climbing; fucking ace! Climbed this with Graham, the rest of the Northern Corries were getting shagged by windslab, so it was a punt that paid off big time.

George - Liathach

I was nowhere near good enough to do Poacher's Fall, but this route was still pretty damn fantastic. Climbed with International Man of Mystery Dave Bird, 2 long ice pitches then a quick jolly up to the summit. Perfect bluebird weather didn't hurt either. We also did the classic ridge traverse, which was equally brilliant.

Cuillin Ridge Traverse - Skye

Where to start on this one? I could write pages.....My lifetime UK climbing ambition achieved, in stunning conditions, with the right partner at the right time. Cheers Jack. Bit of boring number crunching; we were 36 hours from car to car, about 20 of which was spent actually moving (fucking long shiver bivy), and it took us 15 hours between Sgurr nan Gillean and Gars-bheinn. We soloed everything barring a 15 meter pitch going up Sgurr Thearlaich and did 10 abseils along the way. One of those magical routes where you know from the very first step you're going to fucking smash it. Still, months later, I can hardly believe I've done it.

Crowberry Gully - Buachaille Etive Mor

A reminder that winter climbing can be fun in the moment, not just in retrospect. Despite climbing as a 3, me Pat and Jack shot up this in no time. Outrageous cave belay below the crux icefall.

Wall of the Early Morning Light - Beinn Bhan

See the previous blog post. I never thought I'd be good enough or lucky enough to pull off one of the big ice routes on Beinn Bhan. This really was an absolute beast. 18 pitches, shit belays, bugger all gear, and we climbed the last few pitches in the dark. Thanks to Graham and Pat for an unforgettable day in the hills. Back for Silver Tear next time, right boys?

The Pumpkin - Creag Megaidh

My last winter route of a phenomenal season. I tried leading the crux pitch as my first grade V ice lead, but got spooked by some cruddy ice and backed off......which turned out to be a very good thing, as one of my boots disintergrated seconding Katie up the sodding thing. Thanks Katie for leading all the hard stuff, while I hopped and cursed my way up like a total spanner. Great to finally get a route done on Meggy.

Haste Not - White Ghyll

So this is where it starts going tits up. I backed off leading the first pitch of this, then decided against seconding my boss John up it, as the route follows a massive, exposed traverse line, and you sadly can't get hauled up a traverse can you? Tragically indicative of how most of my trad climbing would go this year. 

Route One - Raven Crag Walthwaite

This, rather than actually getting injured, was the absolute low point of the year. It's a fairly non-descript severe that I'd led before, but lacking any sort of climbing mojo I had an absolute mare on it. I finally stalled out a few moves below the top, spooked as fuck by a slightly damp hold, and convinced that the gear I had in was all going to rip out if I fell off. I downclimbed it a nervous wreck and made John do it instead - no doubt by this point he was seriously reconsidering his hiring practices.  

Soloing Jolly - Brimham Rocks

This was mostly a highlight actually. Me and Jack spent a mega fun day soloing easy routes and exploring the crazy rock formations of Brimham Rocks. It only went slightly Pete Tong when I slapped a rope on and tried leading some slightly harder stuff. I backed off a couple of the classic VS, then skulked away to solo Mods again. We also buggered up the second day of the trip by getting shitfaced in Harrogate the night before and waking up far too hungover to move, let alone climb anything. Jack unfortunately managed to not projectile vomit in the middle of Waitrose, which would've been top banter.

Smeggy Little Boulder Problem - Indoor Wall at Tenby

If you're going to get injured while climbing, you want it to be on some massive, epic route, that way at least you've got a cool story to tell. Instead I pulled a tendon on some random problem at the indoor wall in Tenby on a bleak, windswept day when we couldn't climb outside. There's simply no way to make that sound badass. Although given my total lack of ability up to this point, it was actually kind of a relief to be forced into a break from climbing.

West Coast of Ireland Cycle Tour 

Superb trip from start to finish. Me and Dad began in Cork, then headed south to the coast, and along as far as Mizzen Head, Ireland's most southerly point. We then improvised a route along the stunning west coast, over a fair few mountain ranges, eventually reaching the most northerly point, Malin Head. Oh yeah, and it was 20-30 degrees every day as well. Highlights were going over the stunning Healy Pass, the massive limestone pavements of the Burren, and the barren beauty of Malin Head at the climax of the tour. Just under 800 miles in total. Absolutely mint.

Great Dun Fell

A mountain in the Pennines with a paved road that goes all the way to the summit. Easily as good as the Bealach na Ba in Applecross, but harder, with a constantly fluctuating gradient and some brutal 20% ramps near the top. Best cycling climb in England. Done as part of a 90 mile slog around the Pennines, starting and finishing in Appleby. Hilariously windy on the final hairpins.

Etape du Dales 

The other cycling highlight of the year. 110 miles of beautiful Yorkshire scenery, and a shitload of savage hills.

Tophet Wall - The Napes

The big comeback route, and easily one of the best mountain multipitches I've done. Fucking nails for the grade mind. I found the first pitch wiggy as hell, tiptoeing up and across the mega steep wall, slings draped over hollow spikes hardly inspiring confidence. Then Jack led the unprotected wall above the belay, hello factor 2 fall, leaving me to grovel up the final outrageously exposed flake to glory. Sensational.

Moonraker - Berry Head

Good climbing the whole way up, but what sticks in my mind is the approach......first the sketchy downclimb above an ankle snapping slab that you'd bounce off and into the drink, then the long solo traverse of the Great Cave to reach the first belay just above the sea. This was mostly on mega holds, but it's pretty damn steep, and you'd sink well fast with all the ropes and gear and everything. First and third pitches were the best, which Staples breezed up on lead, while I took the easier middle pitch and still found it hard. Why is it all the best trad routes are scary as fuck sea cliff traverses?

Anvil Chorus - Bosigran

One of the best routes I've done at Bosi. I ran the first couple of pitches together, then Staples led the big layback. Pretty hard work for VS, you want to keep moving quickly, and then there's a proper sting in the tail gaining the belay after the traverse. I challenge anyone to do that bit elegantly.

Rock Dancer - Carn Kenidjack

Man, I wish this was one of the highlights. An incredible 40m pitch of edges and hidden pockets up a just off-vertical wall of perfect golden rock. It's just a shame I tried leading it when it was clearly beyond my limited capabilities at the time. I got about a third of the way up, before getting scared and lowering off a couple of cams. Staples took over and made it look piss, the bastard. I'll be back for this one.

The Arrow - St Govan's Head

Clearly I learned nothing from Rock Dancer, because later on in the year I thought trying to lead another big sea cliff E1 was just what I needed. Predictably binned it off when it got steep near the bottom, and once again along came Staples to the rescue. Only this time he sacked it off as well, after banging on about how easy it was - it's the little victories that make life worthwhile. Anyway, another one on the revenge list when I'm (hopefully!) way fitter next year.

Sidewinder - Coire an Lochain

Ok, so this was by no means one of the best winter routes I've done, it was shagged with powder and made pretty hard work by a lack of build up in places.....but what else do you expect from early season winter? Still, it's better to finish on a successful note rather than sacking off hard trad routes. This was a great day out on the hill with Graham and Katie, plus it meant I actually got a winter route done before spending the rest of the season being shit at skiing in Morzine. Good effort from Katie leading what we think was the last pitch of Western Route - some pretty tough moves in the less than ideal conditions. Here's hoping for a great 2019!

Thanks to all my climbing and cycling partners over the year; Jamie, Gwyd, James, Dave K, Graham W, Graham L, Dave B, Katie, Liam, Staples, Clem, Jack B, Pat, John K, Jack H, Mick W, Bob, Dad, Nina, George. 

Wall of the Early Morning Light

What's all this Beast from the East shite about? We're dossing in a layby at the base of the Bealach na Ba and the weather is great. Bit windy but the sky is blue...ish, and there hasn't been a snowflake all day. Kind of weird to imagine the rest of the country grinding to a halt, idiots trapped in their cars for like 19 hours, shops all running out of bread and milk. Why does everyone panic buy bread and milk? If the Beast really is the harbinger of an icy apocalypse, why the fuck would you stock up on stuff that will go mouldy within the first week? 

Anyway, oblivious to all this chaos in the north west, we're doing the usual thing, stuffing our faces with pork pies and whisky as preparation for a big route on Beinn Bhan. I've always wanted to do a route in one of the enourmous corries that line its east flank. They're long, serious, rarely in condition. I'm gambling that the sustained cold weather will bring the massive icefalls into good nick. The classic direct route is Silver Tear, but we're all sadly too shit at ice climbing for that one, so instead the plan is Wall of the Early Morning Light, a slightly easier route that wanders all over the place seeking out the easiest way through a series of steep sandstone tiers. 

The corries of Beinn Bhan from the road

The team is myself, Pat and Graham. Me and Pat are carrying most of the gear in, so we will make Graham lead all the hard scary bits. Don't want a couple of southern ponces upsetting Scottish pride after all. The walk in is pretty steady, and by about 8am we are in the awesome amphitheater of Coire na Poite, trying to spy a feasible route through a series of steep dribbles of ice and snowy terraces. After the north face of the Ben it's easily the most impressive wall I've ever seen in Scotland. Makes Sneachda look like a bouldering wall. 

Entering the mental Coire na Poite

We gear up at the bottom and figure out a line to take through the initial icefall. The most direct line looks pretty steep and not brilliantly formed, so instead we head further right to better looking ice. Looking in the north highlands definitive guide afterwards we might've climbed the start of a route called Meanderthal, but it's pretty hard to get info on this face, so fuck knows. Anyway, I lead the first pitch, steady IV climbing with decent ice and screws, and belay on screws when I get to easier angled stuff above. And by easier angled I mean 50-55 degree bullet hard neve, which is something we will get increasingly familiar with as the route goes on.....

Approaching the right hand icefall start to the route

Graham is the only one of us with any sort of talent for this ice climbing business, so he leads the next 2 pitches to another terrace of snow, past a thin crux section near the top. Pat and I hack our way up after. The belay is on dodgy screws and because of the angle of the neve we're perched on there's no way to take a proper rest there. Instead we kick steps into the fucking stuff and try not to weight the anchors. Not easy finding space for 3. To save time me and Pat traverse simultaneously across the terrace towards where we think the route usually goes. But the scale of the face is such that we don't get anywhere near the next section of ice, so end up bringing Graham across on some utter toss belay so he can finish the traverse. I lead another pitch up and across some ice and belay off a single tied off peg just right of the steep bit. No obvious way through presents itself. I vaguely remember something about a chimney in the guidebook description (like 3 sentences for a 400m route) but I'm not sure where it's meant to be. But it's Graham's problem so who gives a fuck....   

Me leading the first of 18 pitches

He traverses left then spies the chimney and starts climbing upwards. We can hear him yelling that it's fucking nails, and I stare at the tied off peg and fight to supress hysterical laughter. What fun we're having. But he gets up the bastard like the ice weapon he is, and soon enough it's my turn to follow. The gear is wank and it's pretty hard and steep, easily V 5. Superb lead by Graham. Above there's what looks like a short ice step, that turns out to be almost as hard and cruddy as fuck. I gibber my way upwards towards what I hope is a ledge. This turns out, of course, to be yet more 55 degree neve. There's another step barring access to what I'm sure is the final snow terrace before we head left into a big fault line to the top. So I have a go at it but it's steep, off balance, and the ice is complete toss. No problem, I'll just belay and make Graham lead it instead. Serves him right for not carrying a rope in. 

Looking back down into the corrie - climbers crossing the frozen lake (last photo we took!)

Graham leads the final ice step, and it is indeed fucking hard. Pat and I wearily grovel up after him and we peer across the terrace with thousand yard stares, hoping there's an easy line to the top just round the corner. It's getting on in the day and I'm starting to wonder if we'll finish the route before it gets dark. And whatever else we encounter there's definitely a cornice to be overcome. Still, I reckon we'll be alright, can't be too bad now - so of course the traverse across the terrace alone takes another 3 pitches. Bastard. But at least we can see the fault line now and it doesn't look that hard. Graham and I lead a pitch each before the daylight fails and darkness steals across the highlands......fantastic.

Just to make matters worse I now desperately need a shit. It's so bad I get Pat to belay Graham up pitch god-knows-what, while I undo the waist belt of my harness, teeter on my front points, and unleash a foul torrent of cack down the mountain. Pat stoically pretends that he's.....fucking anywhere else but here, I suppose. If I overbalance mid-shit then I'll probably pull the 3 of us off the sodding hill altogether, hurling us all to a messy, shitty death at the bottom. Still, I feel much better for it, and that's the main thing. 

So it's proper headtorch climbing now, and I reckon we've at least 3 more pitches to go. From Graham's wank belay I traverse across unconsolidated snow towards a break in otherwise steep looking ground. A hard move with no footholds sees me on a slightly gentler slope of neve, and I manage to find an ok hex belay just above. Once again the 3 of us perch miserably on our front points, unwilling to test the only thing that's holding us to this sodding face. Graham leads a final unprotected pitch up steep snow ice to where I'm frantically hoping the final snow slope lies. Thankfully our estimation is correct, and from this last belay I trudge up steep neve towards the looming cornice above. 

Much to my surprise and relief, there's a big notch in the bastard, so it's completely piss. I crawl onto the summit plateau of Beinn Bhan on my hands and knees, dig in, and belay Pat and Graham up after me. It's bitterly cold in the wind but I'm so tired I find myself nodding off as I pull the rope in. It's about 10pm now. We quickly pack up the gear and begin a fairly straightforward plod back down to the cars. 18 pitches, probably 600m of climbing with the right hand start, rubbish belays, fuck all good runners, and a few unfortunate flecks of shite still clinging to my trousers.....what a fucking route!